| Woman 1: | Hello? |
| Woman 2: | You, me, bar hopping this weekend? |
| Woman 1: | I wish I could afford to. |
| Woman 2: | Didn't you just get a raise? |
| Woman 1: | Yeah, but then the license for my operating system expired. Now I can't even use my own computer until I pay another two-hundred bucks. |
| Woman 2: | You need to get Linux. |
| Woman 1: | How often do I have to pay two-hundred bucks to keep using that? |
| Woman 2: | You don't... ever. |
| Victim: | (in a panic) I'm glad you're here. They got everything: my TV, VCR, DVD player, my entire computer system. |
| Cop: | Calm down. Do you have insurance? |
| Victim: | Of course I have insurance... and I backup my computer data regularly, but I've got personal financial records on that system... not to mention adult multimedia files I don't want falling into the hands of some kid. |
| Cop: | You don't store that stuff on an encrypted partition?!? |
| Victim: | The software to do that stuff is so expensive. |
| Cop: | It's less expensive than identity theft. (hands victim a note) You might be interested in this. |
| Victim: | CMS Linux? |
| Cop: | It has built-in support for encrypted filesystems... and it only costs fifteen dollars... and you can get rid of blue screens for good. |
| Victim: | Thanks. |
| Cop: | Now for the burglary paperwork. |
|
(voice-over) "So what if your software is defective? That doesn't mean you have to take it out on your hardware. Replace that defective operating system with CMS Linux from CyberMan Software for just fifteen bucks and say, 'goodbye,' to blue screens forever." |
| Woman steps out of shower wearing a towel. She sees a strange man in her apartment, grabs a hairbrush, points the brush at him and screams. | |
| Woman: | Who are you and what are you doing in my apartment? |
| Man: | I'm just checking your apartment for stolen property. |
| Woman: | What?!? |
| Man: | It's part of your rental agreement. |
| Voice over: | You wouldn't let somebody barge into your apartment whenever they want, so why let somebody barge into your computer whenever they want? |
| Text scrolls on screen: | FACT: By using Windows XP you give Microsoft permission to scan your computer for pirated music and software. (Source: Windows XP EULA.) |
| Man: | (Holds up CD case labelled "MP3's") We're just gonna bill you for legal copies of these. |
| Dealer (passenger): | So, what do you think? |
| Customer (driver): | It's OK, but could you put the wiper control on the left side of the wheel, the headlights on the dashboard, upgrade the engine to a V8, make it rear wheel drive? |
| Dealer: | Uh?!? |
| Customer: | ... and chop the top. |